SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 22

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 22

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Every country in the world has lost men and women in some kind of Armed Forces. When does your country celebrate or morn their deaths? (Optional)

Memorial Day here in the U.S. is the traditional day for honoring men and women who gave their lives in service to their country We also celebrate Veterans’ Day in November in honor of all who have served. I think we also observe Armed Forces Day, but I’m not sure when that is.

What is your favorite holiday or holidays?

I don’t think I can pick just one. I like having holidays spread across the year, so that we celebrate different things in different seasons.

How do you celebrate that holiday?

We’re pretty traditional with our celebrations, although we’re more likely to celebrate at home than out with a group.

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

Last Week’s Links

Recent articles on psychology, memoir, and writing

31 Psychological Defense Mechanisms Explained

a look at some common and less well known defense mechanisms that a person might deploy, along with some examples of how the mind might use them

Some of these are less well known than others. These are probably the most important ones for understanding fictional characters’ motivations:

acting out
avoidance
conversion
denial
displacement
dissociation
fantasy
idealization
identification
intellectualization
passive aggression
projection
reaction formation
repression
sublimation
somatization

Well, that turned out to be a longer list than I expected, but each definition is short.

Great apes communicate cooperatively, like humans

Talking requires turn-taking. Scientists with the Humboldt Research Group of the Max Planck Institute for Ornithology, with colleagues at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology and other university researchers, found the communications of bonobos and chimpanzees feature turn-taking sequences.

Researchers found the apes employ sounds and gestures in a way that mirrors the back-and-forth of a human conversation.

Can ADHD appear for the first time in adulthood?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), usually diagnosed in children, may show up for the first time in adulthood, two recent studies suggest.

And not only can ADHD appear for the first time after childhood, but the symptoms for adult-onset ADHD may be different from symptoms experienced by kids, the researchers found.

Are dreams predictions?

Sue Llewellyn, professor of humanities at the University of Manchester in the U.K., discusses the significance of dreams, which occur during the rapid-eye-movement (REM) stage of sleep.

In some ways, our brains function differently during REM sleep as opposed to when we are awake. One key difference can be found in the lateral prefrontal cortex, located behind the forehead on both sides of the head. These areas are responsible for logical reasoning, planning and maintaining focus on the most obvious solutions to problems. Among other things, the prefrontal cortex prevents ‘mind-wandering’. But, for solutions to difficult problems, based on remote associations, mind wandering or ‘thinking outside the box’ might be just what is required to make non-obvious connections.

She believes our need to understand such elusive patterns arises from “evolutionary imperatives,” or the need to survive, and explains how to better understand ourselves by making note of and analyzing our dreams. Moreover, dream significance is not the same for everyone; rather, it arises from each person’s individual experiences.

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 21

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 21

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What is your favorite go to beverage? Water, coffee, tea, coke, soda (non-alcoholic)

I love coffee, so much that I have decaf to brew when I want to enjoy it late in the day. However, if I’m really thirsty, I require a cold drink. I have never liked water. Of course I’d drink water rather than die of dehydration, but if I have to drink water, I prefer bottled (or, at home, filtered) water that’s as cold as possible. My go-to beverage for thirst at home is Vitamin Water Zero, which I keep in the refrigerator almost all the time.

Can you change a car tire?

Theoretically, yes.

Practically, no.

I know the steps for changing a tire. I even know where all the stuff I’d need resides in the back of my car. However, I don’t have the strength to loosen the lug nuts after I get the car jacked up. In fact, I’m not sure I even have the strength to jack the car up in the first place. So, in practical terms, no, I could not accomplish the changing of a tire, although I could tell some stronger companion how to do it.

Isn’t that always the trouble with theoretical vs. practical considerations? Things that seem good in theory often don’t work out in practice.

Are you a listener or talker?

I’ve always been a pretty good listener. In fact, strange people seem to seek me out in places like airports to tell me their stories. Sometimes I don’t mind this, but as I get older I’m getting progressively less able to allow this to happen. All that listening now leaves me emotionally exhausted. I’ve taken to wearing headphones whenever I’m traveling. Even if I’m not listening to anything, I can pretend that I am.

Would you rather have no internet or no cell phone?

Isn’t it funny how things that didn’t even exist a few years ago quickly become necessities? I would not want to give up either the internet or my cell phone, but if forced to choose I’d hand over the phone. I could exist without a phone in my pocket (if I had to), but I NEED the internet. How else would I find out everything I need to know?

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Life is good. All I want is more of the same.

I hope everyone has a great week.

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

Last Week’s Links

Recent articles on psychology, memoir, and writing

How ‘Mad Men’ Taught Us about Trauma, Shame & Healing

Hilary Jacobs Hendel offers an interesting interpretation of AMC’s hit series Mad Men. She looks at Don Draper as a man injured by traumatic shame:

When someone hurts us, we first react with anger and sadness. When those feelings are not responded to, we withdraw in self-defense. The vulnerable self hides deep inside the mind, much like a turtle retreats into its shell. The sustained and visceral experience of disconnection from other people and from one’s own wants and needs defines traumatic shame.

Believing we are defective, unworthy of love and happiness are signs of shame. Shame causes us to isolate and withdraw from connection with others. Shame causes physical experiences that make us feel we are disappearing, disintegrating or sinking into a black hole with no bottom.

In the final few episodes, Hendel argues, Don embarks on a transcontinental road trip symbolic of the journey of the wounded self seeking healing. She interprets the show’s final scene, Don concocting the Coca-Cola commercial while meditating near the beach, this way: “Landing the Coke account and creating history’s greatest ad campaign, Don’s future looked bright.”

Mad Men showed us the conditions under which trauma and shame are born and what is needed for healing. Don, like all of us, needed to feel safe and accepted by at least one other person in order to heal.

William Boyd: ‘I can only manage three hours’ writing before fatigue sets in’

Every writer who struggles to produce work will be grateful to hear this from novelist William Boyd:

Now, writing my 15th novel, I can only manage three hours or so before brain fatigue sets in. It’s just like a plug has been pulled out of a socket and I have stopped – as if a battery has died.

Read more about his writing process: why he writes a first draft in longhand, how long writing a novel takes him, how distractions affect him.

9 mental health memoirs that have helped me through my own mental illness

As always, you should accept this article for what it is: one woman’s account of her own experience. Her reading recommendations are interesting, but you should not take any book as a substitute for professional advice.

Renee Fabian writes:

Like millions of other women, I struggle with mental illness. To cope when I go through a rough patch, I often read memoirs written by other women about their mental health journeys. These books remind me I’m not alone when I don’t feel up to leaving the house. These books prevent me from giving up. Not to mention, these women are great writers.

I’ve read three of her nine titles (An Unquiet Mind, Lucky, and The Center Cannot Hold), and every one was very well written.

Health and well-being are more than just physical

Mental health factors like loneliness, and sensory factors like hearing loss, can matter more to someone’s well-being and risk of death than traditional measures like cancer and high blood pressure, a new study suggests.

Particularly in caring for older adults, doctors should consider more than just physical health, the researchers say.

Traditional measurement of health and well-being involves a medical model based on physical health and the absence of disease. This article reports on research that adapted the medical model to include medical, physical, psychological, functional, and sensory factors in what the researchers call a comprehensive model.

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 20

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 20

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When do you feel most connected with others?

reading-girlI feel most connected with others when reading a good novel. This sounds counterintuitive, I know, since reading is a solitary activity. However, since childhood fiction has introduced me to new ideas, new people, and new possibilities for life. Reading about loving families and people who achieved great things despite life’s adversities gave me hope for who I could become and what I might accomplish. Fictional characters have helped me better understand both myself and other people throughout my life.

What daily habit would you like to introduce to your life?

There’s one habit that I definitely need to re-introduce into my life: daily journal writing. I got out of this habit when I (not a morning person) had to get up early for jury duty for an entire month. During that month I didn’t have the time to write in the mornings, and I was too emotionally drained to do it when I got home in the late afternoon. I have now spent an additional two months without pulling my current journal out of the desk drawer, and it’s time for me to get back into the habit of daily writing once again.

Thanks for the reminder.

What one mini-little-adventure would you like to have in the coming week?

Although we live within walking distance of a great zoo and have annual passes, it’s been a long time since I went to the zoo. There aren’t many activities on the calendar for next week, so I should pick one day and make a trip to the zoo. In addition to all the animals, our zoo has marvelous and exotic flowers and bushes that should be lovely to see now that spring is firmly entrenched.

List at least of things or events that changed your Life: It could be as simple as a book or meeting a certain person?

  1. Childhood reading. Although I don’t remember specific titles, the books I read introduced me to ways of life beyond my own experience.
  2. My maternal grandmother, who loved me unconditionally. She was a bright spot in my otherwise bleak childhood.
  3. My in-laws. My husband and I began dating in high school. I came from a dysfunctional household, but his parents obviously loved each other and cherished their children. They were welcoming and nurturing, and they showed me what life could be like. And my husband and I will be celebrating anniversary #45 early next month.
  4. My friends Anne and Frayne, who both loved and liked me. I’ve never had a large group of friends, but because of them I know that true friendship is possible.
  5. I can’t tie this one to a particular event, but at some point in my young adulthood I came to realize that everyone is dealing with something in their lives. I should never assume that another person’s life is necessarily better than mine. Conversely, I should not be quick to criticize someone else because I don’t know what-all that person is dealing with at that particular time.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Our weather continues to be pretty awesome here in the Pacific Northwest. Since this is one of the reasons why we moved here, I’m hoping for more of the same in the upcoming week. I also hope that the Seattle Mariners can continue their hold atop the American League West.

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

On Memoir

Vivian Gornick, The Art of Memoir No. 2

One of the best books for writers of memoir is Vivian Gornick’s The Situation and the Story: The Art of Personal Narrative. In addition to being a memoirist, Gornick is also an essayist and literary critic.

We all know the term “personal journalism” thanks to Tom Wolfe, Joan Didion, and other celebrated practitioners. Gornick would ­develop for a new generation something you might call “personal criticism,” a first-person style that draws on the tradition of essayist-critics like William Hazlitt and Virginia Woolf while also reflecting a very contemporary hunger for ­personal testimony. Indeed, the “I” of The End of the Novel of Love seems continuous with the “I” of Fierce Attachments, of her personal essays, and even of the biographies she has written (of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Emma Goldman). Whatever Gornick’s subject, her writing relies on direct, lived experience.

In this article from the Winter 2014 issue of The Paris Review, Elaine Blair interviews Gornick about her parents, her education, and the books and writers who influenced her.

Nothing But The Truth?: On Lying And Memoir-Writing

Maddie Crum examines the recent popularity of memoir—though this popularity has now gone on for so long that I find it difficult to continue to refer to it as _recent_—and the central question that all memoirists must confront: What, exactly, constitutes the extend of truth in memoir?

When we tell stories — in writing, out loud to our friends, in the form of jokes with a punchline — we owe our listeners the good feelings that come with dramatic timing, with building anticipation and providing welcome release. The desired effect is to allow listeners, and readers, to feel how we felt, not to merely be aware of the literal circumstances lending to the feeling. If a memoirist can achieve that — and if she must take a few liberties in truthfulness to get there — then she’s done something right.

Sex, drugs, honeymoon, motherhood – what if my child reads my diaries?

Nicola Skinner has nearly 29 years’ worth of diaries. And suddenly she wonders what to do with them now that her her four-year-old daughter, Polly, is learning to read.

After much lamenting, she arrives at this decision:

But I think the best thing to do is to lock them away until she reaches adulthood – or motherhood, whichever she fancies. Then, both armed with a stiff drink, we can read them together. I can put things into context. I can say – yes, I was having a bad day when I wrote that. But look! The next day, I wrote about your dad’s homemade chicken curry, and that time you gesticulated around yourself excitedly and said: “There’s so much to like!” (3 April 2015). I’ll explain that writing a diary is like sketching: you only see a fraction of reality. If all else fails, I’ll tell her that my diaries saved me thousands of pounds in therapy – money that was spent on eating Portuguese custard tarts every day of our holidays and buying amazing films to watch together. I’ll look her in the eye and say that I wouldn’t swap one single day, not even the worst ones, for my old life, if it meant not having her. And then I’ll give her a diary, and tell her to write her own story, and never be afraid of her feelings.

30 Memoirs You Have To Read

Inspired by the recent publication of Gloria Steinem’s My Life on the Road, Erin Donnelly has composed a list of 30 must-read memoirs.

While individual tastes will undoubtedly vary, I was gratified to see that I’ve read 13 of these books and have another five on my TBR list.

What about you?

How many of these memoirs have you read? What other titles would you add to the list?

Last Week’s Links

To Help Students Learn, Engage the Emotions

Emotion is essential to learning, Dr. Immordino-Yang said, and should not be underestimated or misunderstood as a trend, or as merely the “E” in “SEL,” or social-emotional learning. Emotion is where learning begins, or, as is often the case, where it ends. Put simply, “It is literally neurobiologically impossible to think deeply about things that you don’t care about,” she said.

Seeing the Cycle of Life in My Baby Daughter’s Eyes

The agony of death is more than just physical – it is an existential wound that gnaws away until there is slow, and frequently unwilling, acceptance of the inevitability of one’s mortality. I sometimes see a similar pain in my baby girl’s eyes as she makes another arduous journey – learning how to be alive. Frequently, as she cries when she is hungry, or cries when she is overfed, or cries as she tries to have a bowel movement, or just cries, it seems as if she is yearning to go back to the simple comforts of her mother’s womb.

Haider Javed Warraich, M.D., a fellow in cardiology at Duke University Medical Center, is the author of the book Modern Death – How Medicine Changed the End of Life, to be published in February 2017.

What Every Memoir Writer Must Eventually Decide

The sensitivity to both authentic storytelling and being vulnerable on the page in the interest of relating to your reader will naturally bring you to the issue of what right you have to include another person’s story.

How Books Became The Language My Father And I Found Together

Books are, have always been, a shared vernacular between us. It’s in the pattern of our interactions; each conversation, after a few minutes of personal prologue (“How’s your son?” he’ll ask, to which I’ll answer, “Fine.” Or: “Adrift.” Or: “Let’s talk about something else”), and then he’s telling me what he’s been reading, mysteries usually, high-end crime, Donna Leon and Andrea Camilleri, neither of whose work I know.

Everyone’s Life Is a School Story

The significant role that these school years have on shaping personalities is something I’ve been thinking about as our kids get older, but really came to a head when the kids and I listened to an interview of one of our favorite kids’ book authors recently. We are all big fans of Andrew Clements, who is well known for writing “school stories” such as Frindle and Lunch Money. In explaining the reason that he writes those kinds of stories, he said that it was because everyone’s life is a school story. Everyone has their own stories from school and their own ideas on how these interactions helped shape them as a person. That stuck in my head and when I also ran across a blog post written by Emily McDowell (a favorite illustrator and designer of mine) discussing how school interactions contribute to “limiting beliefs” we have about ourselves, I really started to think about how to approach the concept with my own kids.

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 19

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 19

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You win a pet monkey but this isn’t just any old monkey. It can do one trick for you whenever you want from getting a pop out of the fridge to washing your hair. What would be the trick?

I would greatly appreciate a monkey who would run the vacuum cleaner around our small house every day. That is the job I hate the most.

What caring thing are you going to do for yourself today?

As soon as I finish writing this, I’m going to ignore the dust bunnies in the front hallway and sit down to FINISH, FINALLY, the book I’m currently reading.

What color do you feel most comfortable wearing?

purple-crayonDefinitely purple. I wear something purple every day, although you might not always be able to see it. My nails are always purple.

 

 

 

Complete this sentence: When I travel I love to….

Learn about the history of the place I’m visiting and talk with some of the local people about their lives.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

We had a few warm, sunny days this past week, and I’m hoping that we’ll get a few similar days next week. Our Seattle Mariners have been playing good baseball lately (excluding last night’s loss), and I’m definitely looking forward to watching them continue the winning trend that has put them on top of the American League West.

Have a good week, everyone!

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

Last Week’s Links

Thriving at Age 70 and Beyond

From Jane E. Brody, long-time health writer for the New York Times:

A recently published book, “70 Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade,” inspired me to take a closer look at how I’m doing as I approach 75 and how I might make the most of the years to come. It would be a good idea for women in my age cohort to do likewise. With a quarter of American women age 65 expected to live into their 90s, there could be quite a few years to think about.

About the book 70 Candles! Women Thriving in Their 8th Decade, Brody writes:

What are the most important issues facing these women as they age, and how might society help ease their way into the future? Leading topics the women chose to explore included work and retirement, ageism, coping with functional changes, caretaking, living arrangements, social connections, grandparenting and adjusting to loss and death.

Curtis Sittenfeld: Pride and Prejudice Then & Now

Curtis Sittenfeld’s latest book, Eligible, is a modern retelling of Jane Austen’s classic novel Pride and Prejudice.

While social rules have changed dramatically in the 200 years since the publication of Pride and Prejudice, Austen’s themes of love, wealth and class are still relevant. Women today can secure financial independence and enjoy intimate relationships without a marriage certificate. Yet societal pressures to marry and bear children persist. And so does the allure of “a single man in possession of a good fortune.”

Men Have Book Clubs, Too

Book clubs have a reputation as something women do together, but this article focuses on an all-male group in Marin County, CA:

The Man Book Club is going into its ninth year. It has 16 members, a number of whom are lawyers and engineers in their mid–50s. Each month, the host must prepare a meal appropriate to the book under discussion.

There’s also information on other all-male book groups around the country.

What You Really Lose When You Lose Perspective

Our perspective is how we perceive people, situations, ideas, etc. It’s informed by our personal experience, which makes it as unique as anything could be. Perspective shapes our life by affecting our choices. But the minute our minds become steeped in worry, perspective goes out of the window. We forget about our triumphs. We stop being optimistic as fear takes the wheel.

Sarah Newman explains how fear can cause us to lose sight of all the wisdom we’ve accrued over our lives.

Meg Rosoff on Coming of Age

Coming of age is such a common topic for fiction that this type of novel has its own name: Bildungsroman. These novels focus on the psychological growth of the main character from youth into adulthood.

Here novelist Meg Rosoff discusses these coming-of-age novels:

  • A Separate Peace by John Knowles
  • Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  • Henry IV Part I by Shakespeare
  • Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
  • All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy
Older women more likely to be overprescribed inappropriate drugs: Study

A recent research study from the University of British Columbia found that:

Older women are nearly 25 percent more likely than men to be over-prescribed or inappropriately prescribed drugs, with a new study pointing to social dynamics as the explanation for the discrepancy.

When authors’ prejudices ruin their books

This is a common question among avid readers: Should authors’ prejudices affect our reactions to their books?

In this article Imogen Russell Williams asks:

The unsavoury attitudes found in novels from writers such as GK Chesterton and Susan Coolidge have ruined some of the fiction I loved most as a child. But where do you draw the line when you return to tainted classics?

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 18

SHARE YOUR WORLD – 2016 WEEK 18

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Who was your best friend in elementary school?

My best friend in elementary school was Esther. Esther and I were born just two months apart in a small New England town. As was the nature in small New England towns back in the late 1940s, our mothers had also grown up together. Because Esther and I lived near each other, it wasn’t long before we were best friends.

Our paths diverged after high school, but we’ve always managed to keep in touch. Esther and I have known each other all our lives. How many people can say that?

What things could people do for you on a really bad day that would really help you?

Probably the best thing would be a quick smile. The next best thing would probably be to just give me my space. I’m one who likes to be alone when having to deal with life’s bad stuff.

If you could make a 15 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?

I have way too much to say to be limited to 15 seconds. Seriously, it would take me much longer than that to explain to everybody in the world why they should all just get along.

Would you rather be an amazing dancer or an amazing singer?

An amazing singer. As a young adult, I actually was a pretty good singer. I made All-State Chorus my senior year in high school. I would have liked to have had voice lessons, but that just wasn’t in the cards when I was growing up.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

My new hometown Major League Baseball team, the Seattle Mariners, are now playing the best ball since my arrival here in April 2013. In fact, they now sit atop the American League West. I just hope they can continue to win in the upcoming week. Watching the games is so much more enjoyable when you think your team has at least a chance of winning.

Have a good week, everyone. Go Mariners!

© 2016 by Mary Daniels Brown